Real Girl In The City

Today started off a little rocking because lately I have been in my own little world but I actually had to see someone this morning: my father.

It’s not that I don’t love, like, or respect him in any way but there are so many times I just feel like he is “shoulding” all over me. I know that you know what I mean you just probably never thought of it in this way. You know how you are talking to some one and they might not come out and tell you what you need to do but they imply what they think you “should” do. I call it shoulding. It’s not a bad thing per say but it’s when you don’t do what they think you should and when you see them it is like they are judging you. Like you can see it in the back of their head, “She should be doing this.” Or “She should be going there”. There are so many shoulds that it can get ridiculous.

Look like most I can tell you better than anyone what I should be doing or even what I wish I was doing or what I would love to do. However, life doesn’t always work that way. I should be out working my business or working for a wonderful fortune 500 company, living on my own, and traveling the world. At least in my mind that is what I should be doing. But I don’t live in my head and neither does anyone else and trust me that is probably a great thing. My head is nothing safe.

So as I sat down to do my daily blogging I realized that I also “should” over other people even my dad. I would list all my shoulds for my dad but that would take a whole different blog. I should for my family and for my friends. If they don’t call often enough I start to think that they should really be better at keeping in touch (let’s not talk about the amount of times I don’t pick up the phone) or if my family doesn’t say the right thing I start to think about how they really should be more supportive. It’s like it is a disease that we all have. Just walking around “shoulding” all over everyone and I don’t see a cure.

I mean how do you stop having expectations for those in your life? I suppose that you could not expect anything but then you become a little cynical, don’t you? I don’t know but I know that I have expectations as well not just for those in my life but for me and I don’t think anyone’s “should” could be any higher than my own.

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