Real Girl In The City

I couldn’t very well write any blog today that didn’t celebrate mother’s all around the world.  They do so much for so many and never really ask for anything for themselves.  They just want to know that their children are safe and happy and a productive member of society.

Being that it is mother’s day I started thinking about my own mom.  I lost her almost 19 years ago.  It’s so funny that I always have to stop and count how long because it really still feels like yesterday.  There are even times that I walk around a corner and still expect to see her and I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what she would think of something I did or something I am considering.  It’s like when you lose your mom you lose that compass in life.  That person that is always there with unconditional love and support that you can talk to about anything.  And it is weird because the older I get the more I realize that there was so much that I didn’t know about my mom.

See she was sick most of her life that I remember and I was just 16 when she died.  It’s a silly age to lose a parent.  It’s like you on the verge of leaving the adolescent anger and respecting you parents enough to be friends with them and start to do what in your mind constitutes grown-up things and then wham their gone.  You don’t really get what you’ve missed until you start to see from a non-angry space.  You start to think about the shopping trips you missed or the conversations that you will never have or movies that she would have loved but never got to see.  It’s like you are trying to live the rest of her life while still living your own.  You find yourself putting her in at special times even if she is not really there or even at little times and talking to yourself as if you are talking to her.  I think it is really something only someone that has lost a mom can understand.

Yet I digress because this isn’t about lose but about celebration.  So to all you mothers out there enjoy your day and to all you children out there enjoy your mothers for their love is the worlds best kept secret and its greatest treasure.  Happy Mother’s Day!

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